About 13 years ago, while I was still in college, I’d had a particularly bad day.
Humor and literature aside, it very much could have been called a Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. I’d had a late night class, and the last place I wanted to be was at home. My horse was an hour and a half away at the time, so at 10pm, going to the barn wasn’t a viable choice – despite it being my usual one. So I went to the only place I could think of where I could be alone and where I knew, at least for the most part, no one would bother me: the very top of the parking garage.
Mind you, a parking garage in Norfolk, VA…and I know how stupid this sounds. But oddly enough, sitting at the top watching cars go by and the city lit up…it somehow becomes your own little bubble when you need to think things through.
I parked my car, sat on the ledge and just watched, listened, and let my mind run its course. I was so lost in thought, and in the hum of the city, I didn’t hear the security car drive up next to mine. When I turned around and saw one of the campus officers getting out, I was already annoyed. I’d never been exactly quiet about my disdain for campus security (rather, lack thereof…but I digress) and while I was sure I would get in trouble for something, I didn’t budge. The very last thing I wanted to do was talk to ANYBODY…least of all a campus officer.
Despite this, I very quickly caught on to this female officer’s warm and inviting character.
“Hi!” she said.
“Hello.” My deadpan reply.
“How ya doing? Are you ok?”
“Yes ma’am, I’m ok. Just came up here to clear my head.”
“Oh, I understand. My name is Cherry by the way.”
Truthfully, sometimes I think the only reason I even remember this encounter is because her name was Cherry. And she was a happy little thing.
“Nice to meet you, Cherry. I’m Lindsey.”
“Well hi Lindsey! You sure you’re ok?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Ok. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to jump.”
At the time, I was still so focused on just wanting to be alone that that statement didn’t resonate until much later. After a few more brief exchanges, she understood that I wasn’t there to jump, said her goodbyes and left me to my peace…of which, truthfully, there really was none.
After I’d been there for quite some time, I started hearing that sentence over and over in my head.
“I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to jump.”
The thought had never crossed my mind. I just needed a place to go, and this was it. I had not considered ending my life that night. But, this was Norfolk, VA, and someone is always watching.
Typically, not in a good way.
When I got to thinking about it, it hit me. She must’ve seen me from the bottom, from wherever she was, and drove to the top to check on me. To talk with me. To stop me from doing something she knew would be a mistake.
To have a conversation that mattered. With a stranger.
With the only other person on the very top of a parking garage in Norfolk, VA, at night.
Flip those roles. If you were on the bottom, and you saw someone sitting at the top of a parking garage ledge, alone…would you go? In a ghetto, high-crime, dark-alley town, would you go?
Cherry had no idea what she’d find at the top. None. There was no way for her to know. Maybe I wasn’t alone. Maybe I had a weapon. Maybe I was going to jump.
She didn’t know.
And she came anyway. With a smile, with a heart that truly cared. Not to judge, not to criticize, not to tell me I “shouldn’t be up here at this hour.”
She came to say hello, introduce herself, and make sure I was going to be alive the next day. Whether or not that was her plan when she first saw me, I don’t know. I’ll never know. But that’s what she did. And that conversation mattered.
Cherry put a lot more on my mind that night than I ever bargained for. And to this day, I am thankful that it has stayed in my mind. More often than not, situations that require pursuing someone for the sake of their life could mean taking a big risk – sometimes, a scary, nerve-wracking, life-altering risk.
You always have the choice whether or not to take it.
I was not going to jump that night. But, thank God, Cherry didn’t know that.
Despite it all…despite everything that was going on in my life at the time…the loss, the heartbreak, the anger, the hatred, the pain…I was made aware through a campus security officer named Cherry that my life was worth coming to the top of an empty parking garage at night in Norfolk, VA.
And that has stuck with me far longer than the loss, the heartbreak, the anger, the hatred, and the pain.
Now, I will add…loss, heartbreak and pain have not ceased to exist. In fact, they have continued – somewhat regularly over the years. Such is life. I won’t say “unfortunately” because life is not unfortunate…the situations are unfortunate. The circumstances are unfortunate. But life itself?
It matters. And despite any and all amount of suck…yours still matters. Above all else, your life matters. Even when you think it doesn’t.
Even when you are 100% convinced that there is no one possible on Earth who could be thinking of you, that you are of importance to someone, and that you hold space in their heart…
Even then…there will be a Cherry. Whom you’ve never met, and whom you may never meet again. And she (or he) will simply want to make sure you’re not going to jump.
If you are reading this and you have been considering making that jump…don’t. Whether someone comes to you face to face or all you currently have is social media, take this for what it is. Do. Not. Jump.
Do not pull the trigger.
Do not take that lethal dose.
Do not steer your vehicle off the road so you “don’t hurt anyone else.”
Undo the noose. Throw the rope away.
If you are reading this and you find yourself around every day people, every day strangers, every day…take time to notice them through a different lens. Hold space in your heart for strangers. And if you notice someone who gives you even a hint of a gut feeling that their mind is on that jump…go start a conversation that matters.
It’s worth the risk. It’s worth your time. Because his/her life matters just as much as yours…it just might be that perhaps they’ve forgotten that on this particular day. And without your reminder…without your purposeful pursuit to the top of an empty parking garage at night, they may not remember on this particular day.
Cherry was my only reminder that day.
I’ve never forgotten it.
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